Bad year..

So this doesn't feel like Christmas...  I don't even feel like its anything different? Its all the same.. It feels like  any day.. I think this year is my year...? You may be wondering what I mean about that..... Well I mean I think this is the year I officially stop believing in Santa... I'v always believed in Santa but now I think I don't... I'v always known that my parents bought me presents... But I thought that there was a actual Santa in the north poll... But enough with the nonsense.. I don't like x-mass 

I DONT KNOW!

I don't know what to do? I really need help!! My mind is twirling...? I hate life right now!!! Why do guys always gotta hurt you!! Why do they play so manny games... I wish there was a happy ending!

Finals.

I honestly dont like the new School schedual. I hate it ! I would rather have finals after Christmas break!  But uh well just gotta do it! 

boys!

I hate boys ... I want to kill this STUPID GUY! I hate liars!!! uhh.. Mayne ... I want to HURT HIM!! How can he play me for a full..  He lied too me... Then Made me feel like the bad guy!!! Uhh and I bet when I confront him he is going to say.... "I was hurt"!!! uhh...

Can you?

Can you really regret something you don't feel is bad? I don't regret any of my actions....? Because I did them and thats that.. But I hate it when I really don't regret anything and people are like "wow ok... how can you not regret that?" ....because I didn't do anything WRONG! Ughh... Mayne when I get this feeling i F**CEN wnna kill sum one!

bad...

Do you ever  feel like you have done something really bad... But u don't regret any of it... well I do and I'm kind confused.... SOME ONE HELP!

late night..

Wow last night was FUN! I stayed out the latest I ever stayed out.. I came home around 3.. Haha I was having soo much fun I lost track of time.. And Briana was taking for ever too call her dad.. Me and here were both pre ocupied.. Ha ha  but any ways yeah. Bye 

basketball....

Basketball is kinda frustrating me right now... I FINALLY get that starting spot and I get sick! ugh!!!!!!! I don't know if I'll ever get it back? =[  But its ok I'm just going too work hard and try to get it back.. Except It makes me mad because I don't get too play the tournament , then I don't get too start in the Pioneer game(which SUCKS A**) .. And ugghhh.. I have to earn my spot back! I hate being sick.. I think I got sick from Zoe. but Its not her fault... =[ ugghhh kk well I'll see you all at school .. bye

sick.

So I'm like super sick! Well I was... I was at home fro like 3 days straight and didn't get out of my bed not ONCE! haha Except to go to the restroom and get water. Being sick was horrible! I couldn't eat, I slept uncomfortably and  I was constantly vomiting ... (bluuhh!) its was the

WORST  feeling EVER! I HATE BEING SICK!!

GRR... 

MY WEEKEND.. =]

So my weekend was ok... It was kinda wak tho.. I didn't really do anything except go to Oakland.. That was FUN! I didn't really do anything there except watch allot of movies and eat ALLOT! Haha it was great... I talked on the phone with my friend all weekend and it was really nice.. I haven't talked too him in forever... Then we just talked all night about random stuff.. haha yeah ok well bye

hmm...

Well theres about ten minutes before I eat and Im waiting patently... YUMM YUMM YUMMY IN MY TUMMY! ugh I cant wait anymore.. IM going to eat with sara bye! =]

Is it wrong?

Is it WRONG? Is it wrong to care about some one SOO much but hate their guts when there around other girls? Is it wrong when you have those little green monsters tearing up your stomach? Is it wrong to want to be with some one 24/7 and if your not with them you want to be texting them or talking to them? ANd when he' hugging and his kissing you; you DON'T want him to let you go... IS IT WRONG? Is it wrong when you feel that no one can compare to him.. and NO one can make me feel the way he dose..? IS It wrong? WELL I GUESS I'M WRONG!

FAT PANTS!

Yeah!!! I'm so excited for today!I'm going to see allot of my family.. and EAT ALLOT OF FOOD... I must say Thanksgiving is one of my favor tie holidays! =] haha ... I know people tend to forget what thanks giving is actually for ; but I know what this holiday is really for.. Its about giving thanks and spending time with the loved ones! haha I think.. =/? Yeah k well I must cook now! bye =]

new/oldfriends

So today at basketball practice it was kinda weird... We were about to start our drills when a new girl and her mom walks into the gym... This girl was ready too play ball and all of us were like "uh oh" ..... Once every one sees a new girl you know were going too scope them out and see how good they are? SO I decided to get a close up invite.... Ha ha I kinda placed myself in her group so I could get to know her... So I go to say hi and introduce myself and she just keeps staring... I was like.. "WTH"...Then she said I looked familiar.. and i was all?? "from were" She asked a few questions and I still didn't know where I knew her from..? Then she asked if I went to Hester elementry....? and I was like yeah.. It turned out that I use too hang out with her like all the time and me and her use too be super close! haha Yeah thats about it funny story.. =]

Couples...

WOW! I've seen so many new couples at our school today... One in first period.. the other in third and the next after school... It was shocking! well yeah that's all I have to say.. kk bye =]

Music....

Have you ever noticed how distracting or helpful music can be? Music can affect people in many different ways... Some times I love to listen to music well doing my home work or just doing anything.. And the other day I was Taking a math benchmark and at the same time I was listening to my ipod... And I actually did ok on it... I honestly think the music helped me.. =] kk well that's it for now!

Ready to KILL...

Well not really , But I'm super stressed! Like wow..... I have allot on my mind right now... And I feel like I can let it all out well blogging... So here it goes....I'm having some problems at home with my family,DAD, and a few money situations.... Plus I gotta keep my grades up.. make sure I do good in school and I'm trying to get a starting position  in basketball... o0oH and I must keep my relationship "alive"... ( I know that sound corny but I want too keep my boyfriend HAPPY [not in an inappropriate way] because he means allot to me!). So I guess I got allot to do.. I know its not the worst and I shouldn't be complaining but I guess I just needed to vent.... Umm what else .. Oh yeah ummm idk... haha kk bye!

Scrimage!

Yeah tomorrow is my first game... I'm super excited! But I'm afraid at the same time... I'm not afraid of the other team I'm afraid of how I'm going too do... Oh oh and I might start! =] Ha Ha I'm trying too work super hard that way I can be really good this year... I wanna play super hard........ I Want to be the best.. I know I'm far from it but I know if I work hard I can be what I wanna be..... "I know I can be what I wanna be , if I work hard I'll be were I wanna be" (Nas). But I'm SUPER excited for this season... I know I said that I wasn't but I am know! =] kk well I gotta get my rest bye. =]

MY GRADES....

Well my grades are really bad right now! I'm so dissapointed in myself.... I'm not sure why I let my grades drop.. My grades and sports are the most important thin to me  and I'm acting like it dosent matter... Man I need to get on top of my game. I should focus more. Or some thing.... I'm kinda afraid because I really like my BOYFRIEND and my dad might make me break up with him... =/ I know that Im not letting him get in the way .. So I HOPE and PRAY that he dose'nt make me do anything like that.. I really like him!

bored!

Hey people Im getting ready to go out! OMG  its going to be fun too night! Im going bowling and then out! Except I dont know how to bowle.. hah ah but o well .. haha k well im going to have fun bye!

THE END!

So volleyball is finally over... And I'm kinda sad! But I'm also excited for the up coming basketball season! I think I'm going to play left or right bench but I think the teams  going too be great! I'm super glad I'm on varsity... Even though I'm probably going to sit on bench allot I know its going to better me.. And I'm going to be better for next year! I'm so excited for my senior year because Sara, Dani, Zo and I am going to rule that year... Oh and Keely too.. Because were going too have so much chemistry as a TEAM! Were going to be as good as the GSW! 

WARRIORS!

Now that its basketball season I'm probably going to be writing allot of blogs about the Warriors! I love this team with a passion! When I watch them I just fall in love! =]Like  I'm so excited too see them.. Its like A relationship.. When I see them I get so excited, I just cant get my mind off them.. when I watch them my minds in them and them ONLY. I love the WARRIORS AND THEIR MY NUMBER ONE LOVE!

my weekend!

SO this weekend was FUN! My party was fun.. Not allot of people  went but i had fun! the AMANDA AND BRIANA stayed over for the whole weekend! =] we had allot of fun. We went to Eastridge mall and then took the bus all the way to were my boyfriend lives and back home in the rain! =] We took the light rail too my BESTFRIENDS HOUSE ... Then after we went to my ex's house and sat there and talked about crap  his girlfriend! =] haha super fun!

WARRIORS!

Yeah I'm so excited for the this season!I LOVE THE GLODEN STATE WARRIORS!!! I know that we don't have a strong team but I just love those boys! Right now I'm watching the opening game of the season... Were playing New Orleans hornets. I'm not Ur if they are good but I'm going to find out! =]UMmm..  I'm kinda disappointed that seven players like  Matt Barnes,and Baron Davis  quite! But this seasons still going too be fun too watch! I think my new favorite player is Steven Jackson... =] And my Numero uno is still Monte Ellis. Its a shame that he is injured! He is soo good! And is a super hard worker! I also like Al  Harrington.! =] KK well I'm done!

HALLOWEEN PARTY!

So Im hosting this halloween party with one of my best friends and im kinda nervous .. Because I really want it to be super fun! I want allot of people too go and just have a fun time! idk I guess im just a little stressed! >=[

BOYS!

Fool me once its what ever i'll forgive you.... Fool me twice shame on YOU ... But fool me three times and SHAME ON ME.  I cant believe I let you do this too me.. How could I let this happen... I said I wasn't going to fall for another guy but look I did it anyways. I never learn my lesson for some reason... I just needed too let things out and vent! thanks! =]

Ughh.. I HATE this!

My dads so mean! He's telling me I cant play basketball if I have a "c" and Im not gonna be allowed to have a boyfriend.. He dosent understand  how hard I  work! He thinks its easy... Like I said before I go to school every day and just DO EVERYTHING! Gosh I'm so frustrated and ugghhhh.... People just don't understand how I feel!  I hate this. I love my dad but why can't he just understand!?!? He's so narrow minded! UGHH! 

GRR <<

SO today was fun.... I had a game and we lost =[.. And I didn't play much! I'm not complaining ... I'm just saying...  My dad asked me why coach takes me out when? And I told him the truth that I screw up allot. And he brought up that I never even get the chance to prove myself on the court. Once I screw up I instantly get taken out...And I think its kinda true sometimes..  But o-well I don't care! 

BOYS!

Why do boys have to be so immature.. Sometimes. Why cant  they just realize what they have right in front of them? Boys are a complicated soul! And I will never understand them?

Overwhealmed!? with the busy life!

I'm not quit sure how to spell overwhelmed but that's how I feel! I play 3 sports a year, try to keep a GPA of 3.5 or higher , and try to balance a social life (including relationships). Gosh I feel like I cant have one thing without struggling to maintain another. Its really hard.. I got to school at seven in the morning and go to my 0 period leadership class do what ever I have to do there then go on with the rest of my day... After that I have about 15 to 30 minutes to hang out with the "special person" in my life then go to practice and work my but off! =/ Grrr... And after that I go home cook ,clean and do my homework. I live with only my dad and two little brothers.... And gosh do I get tiered! I'm like the mom of the house! Its hard.. And when I mentioned to my dad that I wanted to take a break from one of my sports and take that season off... He went all " sports is what keeps you doing well in school"! But little dose he know I sometimes sleep in class because I'm SOOO tiered.. And drained . I have no energy left. I'm getting sick of all the pressure! And ugghh... Just everything! My dad wants me to be this perfect little angel and I'm not! I feel like I never do anything right! I know my dad only wants me to be everything he couldn't be.. And he means well but I just wish he could realize my side and all the pressure that's put on me.. OK well.. I'm off to basket ball practice, then volleyball practice.,... and try to find time to meet Lodi's mom... Okay back to the busy life!

After dance crush?

Have you ever had that little after dance crush?  Well after every dance I have at least one ... If u don't know what I'm talking about an after dance crush is just a little crush you get ... Its not a big thing its actually really small...  But it can turn in to something big if you let your mind ponder it.. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that I actually didn't have one this dance.. Maybe its because the last one I had turned out really bad and kinda made me look stupid... But I'm not sure. 

GLAD THATS OVER!

I'm so glad home coming week is over! Its was allot of hard work and stress but it was all worth it!  So fun! This year was so much better then last year! I think the class of XI is going to be great!  After all our hard work we finally get rewarded! We did so well in the competitions! And last night finally getting to enjoy everything was the best part!! I had a ton of fun!! I danced with so many people.  My best cousin went and her and I had the best time ever! As you can probably tell I'm super excited !!!HA HA ok well I'm out!

DOGGY PILE & LITTLE MAN

Ever since I was  little I could remembered "Doggy Pile" and "Little Man" It was like a little fun tradition we did! =]  It was like if a person was laying down we would all pile on top of people! And my favorite every would have to be little man. Little man was just my dads index and middle finger. He would walk around saying " here comes little man, here comes little man". I use to actually believe that little man was a real person. And that he was alive.... =] Great memories. ! 

Weekend!!

My weekend was awesome! I had allot of fun.. Friday I just chilled in my volleyball coaches room and watched a movie! But instead of watching it I went and roamed the halls! It was so fun. It was so different to walk through the halls and see or hear no one. As I was walking through the D wing near Mr.Thompson's room i heard voices... (no I'm not crazy!) It was Nico and his brother! =] They were working on the crash posters. After I chilled there for a while my whole volleyball team left and so did I. Well I technically didn't leave because I stuck around to help with powder puff football... But I did leave the building! After that I went to the football game with Khuu and my cousins. And guess what tomorrow is my birthday! k bye

NEED HELP!

So I really need help with the second question for the essay!  If any body has any suggestions please comment!

$$$$$

Money is such a depressing subject. Tax cuts, Debt,  Financial security when will the madness stop!

Funny

It funny how a person could misinterpret such a little thing. =/ How people can just assume  that because you like a person you want a relationship with them. Maybe that's true but who knows when that's going to be .  Smart people no not to rush things. . But for me it really doesn't matter.  Only because people assume; and when you assume u make a ASS out of U  and ME..  (haha I just always wanted to say that). But  if  its meant to happen it will. Ok =] well have a great night! 

I'm done.

I think I'm done  with this little crush..  Its what ever. I mean I still kinda like him but I've been trying to forget these feelings and there still here. Its not like it's "love" but it is some thing... I just don't know. I gave up something I had because I had this little crush and it left me with nothing. Well I cant say I gave up that "some thing" for this crush.. But i can say it was a factor in the problem which equaled a bad equation. It's what ever though I'm going to get over it hopefully.. k well I'm done for now..

(some times I think I should be writing about more intellectual things? What do you think?)

creon.....

" And if a man places anything above his city in friendship, I think is worthy of disdain." This is a quote from Creon. I believe this quote best fits his way of ruling.  This quote shows how  Creon thinks. Creon puts all duties and responsibility's  before any human emotions. And in some ways I think that's good of him; but I think he takes it to the extreme.

Im not sure any more.

So at the end of last week I posted a blog about these feelings I had; and they may have changed. I'm starting to assume that it is a one way street? But I am not sure.. All this week I  barely even talked to him! Its not like I talk to him all the time its just I thought things would change. But they didn't ! So I'm going to try and make these feelings go away. Except I don't know how or even if I should.. I'm almost sure that i should just try to drop what ever feelings I once thought I had and stay away from boys. It likes this boy doesn't even know I exist. And here I am "FALLING" for a guy that doesn't even like me... Um....?

At any day death can be near. How would you live with out a loved one? Or how would your loved ones live without you. No body really knows except god and I honestly do not want to know. I believe that we should live everyday like our last, I realized that worrying about the small and ruthless things only bring you down. You should enjoy life well it last.  Be happy and don't worry.  You never know what is going to happen so do what you want and 

Live, Laugh, Love!

That feeling?

I'm as happy as this flower and I hope this relationship blooms as beautiful as this flower.

Do you every get that feeling were u have total butterfly's in your stomach and they wont go away? Well i do , and they are  not because of excitement or nerves! I think its a crush... Darn! I wanted  to stay away from boys but here I go again.... ha ha But it's okay I'M HAPPY. As long as its not a one way street! =]  But I don't know how the other person feels so it makes me sketchy about the whole " falling" for [ANOTHER] guy. This guy is a real down to earth kinda guy. He is SUPER sweet, caring and really funny! Oh yeah and he is a little CUTIE!  But there is only one problem that I see , and I personally don't care! =] Hmm? All afternoon I was with him! I  had so much FUN! He is so fun to be around! Ugh.. I hate when this happens.  I'm not going to be able to sleep now! =/ Man I'm going to be thinking about him all night! Okay well I'm off to sleep goodnight! sweet dreams!

Electra Complex.

Today in class we had a decision about Oedipus and him  having a intimate relationship with his mother. Then the topic of electra complex  came up... And I decided that this was  going to be my new topic. Electra complex is a term  used for when girls find a spouse  that in one way or another  resemble her  father. In class today my classmates kinda acted immature when Mr.T was explaining that Oedipus killed his father and slept with his mother ( sorry for ruining it). And I think that it was totally uncalled for... Electra complex  is just what happends. I see it everyday.  And I personally think that in the end I will settle down with some one like my father.

AT HOME. . .

I felt sick this morning so I stayed home... And I found blogging to be very fun! Whenever I get bored I just go read my fellow classmates blogs and I feel the urge to blog? Isn't that weird? I never thought that blogging would be so entertaining. At first I felt that this was just going to be completely boring ; But I like it now! What a shocker! ha ha OK well I feel like I am just writing nonsense so I think

 I will stop now... I'll blog tomorrow.

Blogging just to blog. =/

So I feel kinda bad. And I am not sure why? It could have been because of my game or just because. I feel like nothings going the way its supposed to. I say I don't believe in "love" but here I go saying these meaningless words. I don't understand what's wrong with me. I feel like Angela from My So Called Mondays trying to find herself. I thought I found my self last year? But I guess I didn't.. I thought I was an athlete... but I do not like to be labeled  and  here I am labeling  myself? As you can see I am confused and I don't even know what I'm confused about? What to do, what to do?

My first post.

The assignment for today is to create my first blog. I will be blogging about volleyball. I love playing volleyball its one of my favorite sports! Yesterdays practice was horrible! We ran a mile plus a bunch of  liners. I was exhausted. Today we have a game and I am super nervous. We play Silver Creek and they are they are a really tuff team. Im excited about the game but I don't want to screw up.. =[